Like I said, I have mixed feelings…I’m going to keep an eye on the job postings for the city because my boss gave me a heads up last night that some full-time positions might be opening in December. So keep your fingers crossed for that, because as she said, I can always come back! Also, she said that she’d be happy to give me a good reference, so that was really nice of her. But I’m mainly just relieved that I won’t be killing myself with work/work/school this winter!

I think maybe he is bribing me so I won’t look for a new job. Not because he thinks I do such a fantastic job, but because he probably doesn’t want to have to hire someone new and train them all over again. I’ll wait to see how much the increase is before I decide where I want to go from here.

The first house M and I made an offer on didn’t work out. We made a rather generous offer and the sellers sent a counter offer. We didn’t agree to the terms and didn’t want to start a ping-pong match, so we decided to withdraw our offer before things got drawn out and ridiculous. At first, I was crushed but I think it’s for the best. In retrospect (a whole two days!), I guess that house just wasn’t the right one for us. And it’s the sellers’ loss anyway!

So we’re still looking and have several more already selected. I sent the listing numbers to our realtor, who funnily enough has made himself kind of scarce since the first offer fell through. He says that he is going out of town for the next couple of weeks, so maybe he is just busy making personal plans–but prior to our offer, he was really quick about answering my emails and now I kind of feel like we’re getting the brush. Just a little. I had to leave him a voicemail today to get any response from him, which worked, but I’ve since sent two follow-up emails and have not yet gotten responses on those. hmmm.

My parents, sister, and brother-in-law think I should use their realtor friend who sold my sis and BIL their house. We might decide to switch to him if our current guy doesn’t work out. We’re supposed to have someone else from the team working with us while he is out of town, but if I have to keep bugging him to answer my questions, then we are *definitely* switching to the new guy.

All that said, I am relieved about a few things, because believe it or not there were a few things about the first house that I didn’t like. But nevertheless, I am still kind of bummed because this just delays the process. I know we shouldn’t rush things but I am very eager to get out of the House of Crazy at Chez Parents, and I guess if I’ve made it this long–over a year since I moved back in!–I can stick it out for another couple of weeks.

Also, I have learned from the incident of the first house that I do NOT like red carpet. This is not meant as any offense to you if you have red carpet, but personally I go for 1) wood or wood laminate flooring with area rugs or 2) neutral shades like tan or cream or taupe or any variation thereof. Do you know how hard it is to search for couches that coordinate with red carpet? Like, maroon-ish burgundy-ish carpet? It’s not as easy as it should be. Please, if you’re selling your house, ix-nay on the red carpet.

oh, and today I saw a listing online for a house with each room painted different colors, which is fine, but the colors were just…technicolor teal, shiny lavender (I don’t think they used flat paint because that wall was just SHINY!), and tangerine family room. It was interesting, to say the least!

Also this weekend, my older sister graduated from Old Dominion University with her Bachelor’s degree in Business. She jokes all the time about having been in school forever (she graduated high school in 1994) but better late than never, I say! (And easy for me to say, since I graduated in 1997 and will just this year finish my B.A.) And actually, it was rather anti-climactic for her, since she still has one class left but wanted to be able to walk in the spring ceremony rather than the winter. At any rate, good for her for getting it done!

And my parents finally met M and did not hate him! What a concept! I had spent so much time freaking out over it (seriously…stress x infinity), but they seemed to like him just fine. It blew my mind. I think mainly they were just so fixated on us NOT getting the house we made the offer on that they didn’t really focus on him too much…and now we aren’t getting the house in the “rough” neighborhood, so I hope they’re happy.

I am also toying with the idea of quitting my second job. Since I paid off my Bank of America credit card (still has a $0 balance, muahahaha!) and we’ve lowered our price range for the house, I’m wondering if we’ll be able to manage financially once we find a house. I think what I’ll do is wait until we’ve lived in the house for three months or so, just to see how the bills play out and how much everything costs in reality. If we can manage comfortably with just our two jobs (M’s and mine), then I might quit my night job, even though I like it more than my primary job. That would be tough, but in the end I have to do what’s better for my mental AND physical health. Let’s not revisit the Great Month o’ Sickness, otherwise known as MARCH, home of tonsillitis and other viral surprises. Really, I’m just tired all the time. Plus my class starts at the end of this month, and I am questioning whether I can pull this Superwoman act and hold two jobs as well as an A grade point average. I don’t know if I can do it after all. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that we’ll be able to pay the bills and live comfortably, even with the new mortgage and all that comes with it. If we can, I’m going to quit the second job. I need the break!

oh yeah, and I haven’t talked about my lovely one-year performance evaluation at my day job. hmmmphhaaahaaaa. Well, I had it. And it didn’t SUCK, but it wasn’t GREAT either. I got something like a 42/60, with high points for organization and efficiency, and almost the lowest score possible for–get THIS–initiative. INITIATIVE. I, who has not one! but two! jobs AND I’m going back to college AND I’m trying to buy a house. Initiative! Can you believe the audacity??

To be fair, I agree with my boss on some points–like I need to interact more with our “customers” and “contacts” from the various companies we deal with. I’m a very shy person and I deal mostly through email–I HATE dealing with people over the phone–so most of the work I get done, my boss doesn’t even KNOW about because I cc him on few messages (at his request, because he is already swamped with emails from other people). I could have argued with him, I guess, but what would that have accomplished? Between you and me…I think he knows that once I finish my Bachelor’s degree, I am soooo out of there. Obviously he’s trying to crack down on me while he still can. Needless to say, I remain uninspired. I guess I’m just tired of being called out when I make a mistake (yes I freely admit when I make them!), and rarely called out when I do something RIGHT. That tends to wear a person down, you know?

For example, I think I got penalized on the evaluation for a stupid incident recently. Our company (main/day job) had its annual awards dinner but I had to work that night at my other job. I initially told my boss that I would go, but then changed my mind because that’s when M and I decided to try to buy a house and I figured I could use all the extra money I could make, so I canceled my plans to attend the dinner and I think that irked my boss. When I told him I was trying to buy a house, I got a smirk and a “well good for you” in response. (I am not even making this up. He can kind of be an asshat sometimes.) Anyway, I think he deducted points from my evaluation because on the last page he wrote in a comment about “more interaction with field representatives” and he had told me previously that the awards dinner would be a great chance to meet them and of course I ended up not going.

Look, in a sense I get where he is coming from, but in another sense, let’s follow the logic. I know in theory I probably should have attended the dinner, but I didn’t on the grounds that I needed to work *at my second job* which I have in the first place because *he does not pay me enough at my main job.* The reason I have the second job is BECAUSE I work hard to make ends meet and thereby demonstrate determination and the willingness to work hard. But apparently I still lack initiative. grr arg.

Then, to make matters even more confusing, he proceeds to tell me that despite my fair-to-middling evaluation, he has recommended me for a raise. He doesn’t know how much I’ll end up getting, but there you have it. Personally I’m seeing it as something of a BRIBE, as in, “please don’t quit this job because then we’ll have to hire someone new and start all over again and I don’t have the time for that.” How confusing is that??

The fact that I haven’t quite had a true mental breakdown yet still fascinates me, but such is my life of late. Any suggestions? Advice? Should I take up yoga again, become a vegetarian? (By the way, I tried removing beef from my diet, and lasted not even two weeks. I concede. I am a carnivore.) I do the best I can under the circumstances, but still find myself struggling. Money is the biggest problem, then jobs, then everything else just kind of falls into line after that. I’m still hopeful about the house situation–I know we’ll find the right fit soon enough. And sooner rather than later, probably, because there are plenty of homes to choose from, thankfully. But I just question myself sometimes and end up confusing myself, I think. And my life has become a never-ending To Do List, filled with work, work, laundry, house hunting, a bit of time to scratch my dogs’ tummies, fun spending time with M, get into confrontations with my parents, crying, work, work, fast food, work, sick again, work…and I just realized that I’m making this sound like such a pity party, so forgive me! I tried keeping a “real” journal again recently and it didn’t work either. So here I vent.

Tonight while I’m doing laundry I plan to cast on that test knit sweater for SWTC, so maybe I will find a little solace in that. I can always rely on knitting to retain my sanity for me. Let’s hope it still works.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed this weekend and the time off from work. On Friday at my day job, we had a “food day” where everyone in the company brought a dish…what a feast! Then they let us go home a little early, which was nice.

I took advantage of my year-end bonus and Christmas gift from my boss (at the day job) and went shopping, pretty much guilt free. I bought a couple new outfits, which weren’t too expensive because I shop at places like TJ Maxx and Steve & Barry’s, so I had a lot left over. I also bought some yarn and books, of course. I switched (which turned out to be a needed downgrade, actually, and I’m content) to a black iPod Nano and gifted my 5G video model to M, basically for Christmas. I gave my nephews their Christmas gifts (a dinosaur toy for the 3-yr-old and a book set for the 5-yr-old) and that was pretty much it in the gift department.

I did have to work yesterday morning at the library, but only my usual four-hour shift, so that wasn’t too bad. I also got to work alongside my partner, who I hadn’t seen since she first trained me in November! Can you believe I’ve been at the library almost two months? I really enjoy my job there. I’m hoping that I can eventually become a full-time employee…keeping my fingers crossed. Anyway, my co-worker and I swapped small gifts, which was nice. She gave me some chocolates, which are always good.

Yesterday M and I watched The Golden Compass. Originally I wanted to wait till I finished the book, but with my crazy schedule and perpetual tiredness, who knows when that will be! So we went to see it and both enjoyed it. To be honest, I became aware of and interested in the book and movie because of all the controversy surrounding both. I thought the film was entertaining but not enough to make such a fuss about. Just my opinion!

That’s pretty much all I’ve been up to lately…work and more work, with occasional time for knitting, reading, and attempting to stay sane. The dogs are still doing well, and I’ll be giving them their Christmas bones tomorrow!

I’m still pretty Grinch-y about Christmas, though not nearly as jaded as I was last year. I think–and hope–that my future will take a turn for the better in 2008. I haven’t made a list of resolutions, but I might need to review last year’s before I make another! Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful, restful, peaceful holiday, whether you are of the Christmas-y persuasion or not.

I’ve been working a bunch–this past weekend I actually had to take work home for the first time. I volunteered since it was for a presentation that was due today, so my boss was appreciative…he even gave me a Christmas card today with a nice money gift! Sweet!

I have so many new WIPs and new stash but don’t have the time to post about them or update Ravelry, boo! In fact, I haven’t checked the Ravelry forums in at least a week, even the groups I run! (But I am subscribed to the RSS feeds, so I know when there are new posts anyway.) Seriously, both jobs are keeping me super busy–so much that I hardly have free time, and when I do have some time I’m either knitting or sleeping, lol. Hopefully things will kind of calm down soon.

Lastly, I’m just looking forward to the weekend…I can’t believe Christmas is almost here. Who moved 2007? eek!

I am going to force myself this weekend to post some photos. My poor Flickr and Ravelry are sorely neglected. So if I don’t update, come over here and nudge me, ok?

P.S. I almost forgot! Remember I was supposed to go back to the doctor and get my cholesterol rechecked? Well I went back on the 14th and my cholesterol actually went DOWN! I’m gonna live!

My job at the library is going really, really well. Like, way better than I hoped it would! It is such a pleasant surprise. It’s probably too early to say “I love that job” but I enjoy it very much so far. Way better than my day job of late, but that’s another story.

We’re doing this learning exercise at the library called Learning 2.0 and it’s basically an overview of different Web 2.0 technologies–Blogger, YouTube, MySpace, etc. Completely easy for me but not so much for my new co-worker! So she and I were working on that last night and she was so happy that I knew what to do because she would have been totally lost otherwise. So I was happy to help! As part of the course, we had to create our own blogs so I have yet another blog out there on the Web. It’s on wordpress.com and I’ll probably link to it once I get it looking a little spiffier.

I’m kind of getting into a new routine and schedule, but it’s taking time to get used to. I don’t get much sleep (probably around 6 hours a night, and I never really feel “rested” unless I have at least 8). However, in the past few days I have made time to knit, which I wasn’t doing the first week of the second job. I’m working on my Secret of the Stole, but am still behind a couple clues. Also, I finally cast on my second Austermann Step stockinette sock when I realized they would make great work socks!

That’s pretty much my life lately…wake up, breakfast, maybe some knitting, work, lunch, work, drive to job #2, work, go home, eat, and try to unwind by giving my puppies some kisses and watching Ghost Hunters on perpetual repeat. I feel like a zombie most days but keep telling myself it’s temporary. I’ll get my first paycheck from the library on the 30th, so I’m really looking forward to that!

• It’s Monday. ugh.
• I worked yesterday at the library, which I liked much better than my first day because I was able to train hands-on with the materials.
• I found out that I’m allowed to wear sneakers to the library. I’m very glad about this because I was on my feet for almost 4 hours straight and my feet were hurting by the end of the shift!
• I was out of work yesterday by 12:45.
• I was pretty hungry when I got out of there, so M and I went to lunch and had yummy Italian food.
• I went to T-Mobile and got a new phone, a Blackberry Curve. (I know I change phones like I change my shoes but this time, it’s a long-term commitment. Really. Well, at least for the next two years.) If I ever find some free time, I will post a photo.
• Is it just me, or isn’t today supposed to be the release date of the new Blue Moon Fiber Arts Raven Series? I just checked their site and…nothing. Am I just blind? Or maybe they haven’t posted it yet. EDIT: I just checked again, and they put up a notice that says it will be available tonight @ 6 PM Pacific time. That’s 9 PM Eastern, right when I get off work. greaaaat. Will the yarn diet powers be able to resist? Will I live to abstain another day??
• I have to work until 9 tonight, so I probably won’t get much knitting time in, which is disappointing because I really wish I could work on my Secret of the Stole.
• On the bright side, I’m completely off work on the 11th and 12th for Veterans Day as well as the 22nd and 23rd for Thanksgiving…so I am just looking forward to that!
• I really, really, really just want to go back to sleep.

+ They actually DID have a “welcome party” for me! One of the first things that we did was have a little bit of food and chit-chat before my new partner actually started training me. That was a nice ice breaker, and prompted me to say, “This is the best first day I’ve ever had!”
+ Everyone is sooooo nice. Thank goodness!
+ The lady who is training me is very knowledgeable about the job. She’s going to work the same shift as me for the next two weeks and hopefully that will be enough time for me to learn this stuff!
+ Turns out that I likely will only be there Monday – Thursday evenings with Friday and Saturday off, then every other Sunday, once training is over! yay I get Saturdays off!
+ Even though I’m only part-time there, I still get federal holidays off with pay. So this upcoming Veterans Day, I’ll have it COMPLETELY off, from both my jobs. oh hallelujah!

- There is A LOT of information to remember. I actually took home the procedures manual so I can look it over this weekend–yikes, there’s so much to learn!
- When I came home at 9:30 last night, I was really, really tired. My brain just felt like mush after trying to absorb all the info…it was basically information overload. I know this will pass with time, but man, it was a lot for my poor little brain.

So overall, there are way more positives than negatives…the newness of the job, as always, is a little overwhelming but it will pass, hopefully soon. Once I get my first paycheck, I’ll remember why I’m doing this in the first place! And last night after coming home, the first thing I did was go over and give my doggies some love. They’re the REAL reason why I’m doing this.

Last night I watched the Ghost Hunters Live Halloween special, but only till I fell asleep around 11 or so. I recorded it, though. The funniest thing was opening my DVD recorder box to set it up, since it had been sealed since I moved back to VA in March–and I found 4 or 5 books hiding underneath the recorder! I thought I had given them away, but nope, there they were–my makeshift packing material. So now I find myself with 2 copies of Yarn Harlot’s Knitting Rules!, because I bought it again a few months ago when I thought I’d lost it. I might put the unread, new one on Ravelry for sale, or if no one buys it, I’ll do a giveaway here or on one of my Ravelry groups.

oh! And today marks 3 MONTHS sober on the no-buying-yarn diet! Go meeeeeee! Though it didn’t help to receive an email this morning from Blue Moon Fiber Arts, saying that there are spots open in the 2008 Rockin’ Sock Club and would I like to join? It was mighty, mighty tempting, but I’m pretty sure I’ll pass. That’s a lot of money for yarn, especially when I still have plenty (did you see how many miles I realized I have?)…

(Also, I’m currently the high bidder on a thing on eBay, even though I probably won’t win the auction, I’d rather pool my money toward that, honestly. I’d get more use out of it right now. What’s this thing, you ask? You’ll find out, if I win the auction. )

Wish me luck for tonight! I hope I don’t say anything stupid or mess up on my first day!

I keep reminding myself that it’s the big picture I need to focus on–getting out of debt and saving up enough money to move out on my own–but I feel so frazzled about all of it right now. I guess I’m wondering if I can handle the extra stress.

What’s really surprising is that I work with a girl right now who is younger than me by several years and not only is she working full time and taking FIVE classes (I nearly keeled over when she said that), but she also is married and has a child under 3. Good grief!! And here I am whining about working two jobs. It could be worse, I suppose. I could be working two jobs AND trying to go to school (which is soooo not happening in the near future, though I would like to finish my degree sometime before I die).

I have trouble with perspective. It’s so easy to get caught up in the world of me when things could always be much worse.

Having said all that, I am still nervous about the new job. I’m *always* nervous when I do something new–I’m not one of those people who goes into new situations with wild abandon and no fear, though that would be nice once in a while! But since I tend to obsess over things, I’m always worried that I’ll hate it, or the people will be mean, or something. (I’m a pessimist, what else can I say?)

I’m sure (at least, I hope) by Friday morning, I’ll be saying great things about the new job. But for right now, I’m so nervous and kind of scared!