‘Deep Thoughts’ Category

  1. solo.

    July 26, 2007 by sassenach

    You ever have days when you just feel extremely lonely, but you’re not entirely sure why?

    That’s me right now.

    Category: Deep Thoughts | Tags: | 5 Comments

  2. who moved my mojo?

    July 15, 2007 by sassenach

    I think I’m actually kind of bored with knitting socks right now. :eek:

    Who’d have thought that was even possible? I guess it’s mainly because we’re in the dead of summer and I haven’t worn socks in months. So I’m more interested in knitting my latest Clapotis, even though I won’t be able to wear that even further in the future than I’ll be able to wear socks, but who said my tactics ever made *sense?* :D

    Earlier this afternoon, I bought a couple books on Amazon (thanks, Annie!) :) and was pleasantly surprised to find a new novel by Anita Shreve. She used to be my absolute favorite author, until Diana Gabaldon surpassed her in my mind. So I ordered Anita’s new novel, Body Surfing, even though her novels tend to make me feel very pensive and sometimes even depressed. But as much as I love Diana’s books, it’s Anita’s writing style that I feel most inspired by.

    Which reminds me, I haven’t written anything (creatively speaking) in a very long time. That makes me sad. I used to feel inspired and would stop whatever I was doing (literally) to jot down a phrase or potential plot, an idea for a character, anything. Seriously. Sometimes I would pull over while DRIVING and jot down an idea because I knew if I didn’t, I would probably lose it and never remember it. Where did my writing mojo go? :(

    I wonder if it has been absorbed into my knitting. Knitting, after all, is still creativity in action. I just miss the writer in me. It’s kind of like an actual person that I used to know, but lost touch with and now I’m trying to track them down through Google and can’t find anything, or something. :lol: You know?

    I wonder what would happen if I didn’t knit for one week–would my brain spit out a short story? Why can’t I knit AND write? It’s weird. Maybe my poor brain can only handle one creative expression at a time. Not very genius, that. At this point in my life, I can’t imagine NOT knitting. I really believe it keeps me sane and has gotten me through some of the toughest times I’ve ever been through in recent months.

    Then again, I used to think that I could never imagine not writing either, and that’s exactly what I’m doing. Or not doing, as the case may be.

    sigh. I hate the feeling that something which used to be so important is now missing, but it’s one of those things that you can’t just snap your fingers and manifest, get back that easily. It’s a huge bummer!

    Someone help me track down my writing mojo!!

    Category: Deep Thoughts, Knitting, Reading, Writing | Tags: | 3 Comments

  3. the missing of some cosmic point.

    June 21, 2007 by sassenach

    So I just realized something pretty significant.

    (more…)

    Category: Deep Thoughts | Tags: | 8 Comments

  4. going mad?

    June 12, 2007 by sassenach

    You know how one of my (many) works in progress is a pair of socks called Peaks & Valleys? Well, I feel like my LIFE is going through peaks & valleys lately. I won’t say that I have mood swings, but I seem to have days that I would describe as pretty good, then days that are just *crappy.*

    For instance, this morning I got off to a very rough start because I am so stressed lately at home. Living with my parents is going to drive me crazy. I have got to get out. My dad is the type of person who gets joy from making other people feel stupid and/or crappy. He has always been like this since I was younger, but now that I am an adult and am making some of my own decisions (or trying to the best I can, under the circumstances), he just drives me CRAZY. He has such low self-esteem and really has no real communication skills. It’s sad when I stop to think about it…but I need to figure something out because we cannot keep butting heads.

    Second, work was way stressful! My boss wasn’t there for the first half of the day, so naturally everyone wanted to send me a bunch of emails and call me about things I had little or no knowledge about. :neutral: argh! I hate when that happens. I was so stressed already because of home life, then all the chaos at work just made it worse.

    I feel sometimes like I’m just going to go mad, and I don’t mean that as a figure of speech. I wonder if something is wrong with me or if I have an actual, diagnosable mental illness (a la Zelda Fitzgerald or Virginia Woolf or someone like that). It’s probably silly, but I get really, really depressed some days and I have no clue why. I mean, even with the problems with my parents, sometimes I feel like it’s not *that* bad…it could be worse. It can always be worse, right? Some people are way less fortunate. Then other times, I feel like it’s the end of the world for me. I don’t know what’s going on here.

    Maybe it’s all just a funk, maybe it’s just the stuff with my parents + moving back home + starting a new job + recovering from the divorce + trying to rejoin society in general. Sure, simple, right? Maybe that’s all it is. Maybe I just diagnosed myself.

    But man, some days I really feel low.

    Category: Deep Thoughts, My So-Called Life | Tags: | 6 Comments

  5. fragments.

    June 10, 2007 by sassenach

    I celebrated WWKIP Day yesterday by meeting up with Laura–we had fun! :) First we stopped by a local yarn shop, where I bought more Artful Yarns Reality in the same colorway as my Montego Bay Scarf, so I can make a matching hat. (I told you I love that yarn!) I also got a set of #2 dpns made by Inox. I think they are metal of some kind, and are nicely pointy like the Knit Picks dpns. Unlike the KP ones, though, the Inox needles don’t have a nickel finish that could peel off, so I think they’ll be good to work with. After we finished yarn shopping, we went over to Barnes & Noble and sat in the cafe. Laura worked on a blanket while I worked on a(nother newly cast on) sock. :D I think people were watching us and wondering what we were making, but no one came over and asked. KIP was accomplished! :)

    I have been so lazy about taking photos of my projects and stash. My poor Flickr account has been neglected lately. I also feel bored with my current projects, so I keep casting on new things…and consequently, I have several WIPs…let me see if I can list them:

    • Lace shawl
    • Dublin Bay sock #2
    • Pomatomus sock
    • Peaks & Valleys sock #2
    • Odessa

    And those are just my active WIPs. I have some listed on my Ravelry page under “hibernating” that I’ll probably end up finishing later this summer. It’s not that I get bored with knitting in general–I just get bored with what I’m working on currently!

    But I guess this boredness, if that’s a word, extends to all areas of my life. I’ve only been at my new job since April, yet I find myself bored with it already. To me, that’s not a good sign. I’ve learned a lot about the job, but I don’t really feel like I want to do this job for much longer. I guess I should read the classified listings.

    I even get bored with blogging. And it’s not from a lack of topics to write about–I just feel withdrawn from everything some days, and while I want to share and write about it, maybe just by hand in my journal, I don’t make the effort to do it. It’s weird.

    As I mentioned in my last post, I deal with my “blah” feelings by buying stuff. The mysterious It, btw, will be delivered to my house tomorrow by UPS. A couple of you guessed the correct thing, and it’s not a spinning wheel. Think about it…if I got a wheel and learned to spin, my stash would probably expand twice the size it is now! Yarn AND roving? The house would be buried in fiber. :lol: Anyway, It is really cool to me, so I will make myself dig out the camera tomorrow and update my Flickr. :)

    I really hope that the current “blah” I’m feeling is just a phase, or some kind of moodiness, but not the depression that I went through in the past. I wonder if some personalities are more pre-disposed to depression than others? I didn’t think I would need to seek counseling again after I moved home, but now I’m kind of wondering about it. I *think* I’ll be ok, but who knows?

    Even this post itself is disjointed and all over the place. I hope my life straightens out soon. :neutral:

    Category: Deep Thoughts, Knitting, My So-Called Life | Tags: | 6 Comments

  6. Protected: like a death in the family.

    May 18, 2007 by sassenach

    This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:


    Category: Deep Thoughts | Tags: | Enter your password to view comments.

  7. whoa.

    April 2, 2007 by sassenach

    As I was celebrating the news about tomorrow’s interview, my dad showed me the obituaries section of today’s newspaper. A girl I went to high school with died over the weekend. Her obituary doesn’t mention the cause of death, but she was only 27. Even more sadly, she had three young daughters.

    She and I weren’t friends; in fact, we were barely acquaintances. But just the thought that someone I once knew and went to school with is no longer living…it’s just shocking and sad.

    Category: Deep Thoughts | Tags: | 3 Comments

Older Entries
Newer Entries