Well, easy come, easy go, that’s what they say.

The first house M and I made an offer on didn’t work out. We made a rather generous offer and the sellers sent a counter offer. We didn’t agree to the terms and didn’t want to start a ping-pong match, so we decided to withdraw our offer before things got drawn out and ridiculous. At first, I was crushed but I think it’s for the best. In retrospect (a whole two days!), I guess that house just wasn’t the right one for us. And it’s the sellers’ loss anyway!

So we’re still looking and have several more already selected. I sent the listing numbers to our realtor, who funnily enough has made himself kind of scarce since the first offer fell through. He says that he is going out of town for the next couple of weeks, so maybe he is just busy making personal plans–but prior to our offer, he was really quick about answering my emails and now I kind of feel like we’re getting the brush. Just a little. I had to leave him a voicemail today to get any response from him, which worked, but I’ve since sent two follow-up emails and have not yet gotten responses on those. hmmm.

My parents, sister, and brother-in-law think I should use their realtor friend who sold my sis and BIL their house. We might decide to switch to him if our current guy doesn’t work out. We’re supposed to have someone else from the team working with us while he is out of town, but if I have to keep bugging him to answer my questions, then we are *definitely* switching to the new guy.

All that said, I am relieved about a few things, because believe it or not there were a few things about the first house that I didn’t like. But nevertheless, I am still kind of bummed because this just delays the process. I know we shouldn’t rush things but I am very eager to get out of the House of Crazy at Chez Parents, and I guess if I’ve made it this long–over a year since I moved back in!–I can stick it out for another couple of weeks.

Also, I have learned from the incident of the first house that I do NOT like red carpet. This is not meant as any offense to you if you have red carpet, but personally I go for 1) wood or wood laminate flooring with area rugs or 2) neutral shades like tan or cream or taupe or any variation thereof. Do you know how hard it is to search for couches that coordinate with red carpet? Like, maroon-ish burgundy-ish carpet? It’s not as easy as it should be. Please, if you’re selling your house, ix-nay on the red carpet.

oh, and today I saw a listing online for a house with each room painted different colors, which is fine, but the colors were just…technicolor teal, shiny lavender (I don’t think they used flat paint because that wall was just SHINY!), and tangerine family room. It was interesting, to say the least!

Also this weekend, my older sister graduated from Old Dominion University with her Bachelor’s degree in Business. She jokes all the time about having been in school forever (she graduated high school in 1994) but better late than never, I say! (And easy for me to say, since I graduated in 1997 and will just this year finish my B.A.) And actually, it was rather anti-climactic for her, since she still has one class left but wanted to be able to walk in the spring ceremony rather than the winter. At any rate, good for her for getting it done!

And my parents finally met M and did not hate him! What a concept! I had spent so much time freaking out over it (seriously…stress x infinity), but they seemed to like him just fine. It blew my mind. I think mainly they were just so fixated on us NOT getting the house we made the offer on that they didn’t really focus on him too much…and now we aren’t getting the house in the “rough” neighborhood, so I hope they’re happy.

I am also toying with the idea of quitting my second job. Since I paid off my Bank of America credit card (still has a $0 balance, muahahaha!) and we’ve lowered our price range for the house, I’m wondering if we’ll be able to manage financially once we find a house. I think what I’ll do is wait until we’ve lived in the house for three months or so, just to see how the bills play out and how much everything costs in reality. If we can manage comfortably with just our two jobs (M’s and mine), then I might quit my night job, even though I like it more than my primary job. That would be tough, but in the end I have to do what’s better for my mental AND physical health. Let’s not revisit the Great Month o’ Sickness, otherwise known as MARCH, home of tonsillitis and other viral surprises. Really, I’m just tired all the time. Plus my class starts at the end of this month, and I am questioning whether I can pull this Superwoman act and hold two jobs as well as an A grade point average. I don’t know if I can do it after all. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that we’ll be able to pay the bills and live comfortably, even with the new mortgage and all that comes with it. If we can, I’m going to quit the second job. I need the break!

oh yeah, and I haven’t talked about my lovely one-year performance evaluation at my day job. hmmmphhaaahaaaa. Well, I had it. And it didn’t SUCK, but it wasn’t GREAT either. I got something like a 42/60, with high points for organization and efficiency, and almost the lowest score possible for–get THIS–initiative. INITIATIVE. I, who has not one! but two! jobs AND I’m going back to college AND I’m trying to buy a house. Initiative! Can you believe the audacity??

To be fair, I agree with my boss on some points–like I need to interact more with our “customers” and “contacts” from the various companies we deal with. I’m a very shy person and I deal mostly through email–I HATE dealing with people over the phone–so most of the work I get done, my boss doesn’t even KNOW about because I cc him on few messages (at his request, because he is already swamped with emails from other people). I could have argued with him, I guess, but what would that have accomplished? Between you and me…I think he knows that once I finish my Bachelor’s degree, I am soooo out of there. Obviously he’s trying to crack down on me while he still can. Needless to say, I remain uninspired. I guess I’m just tired of being called out when I make a mistake (yes I freely admit when I make them!), and rarely called out when I do something RIGHT. That tends to wear a person down, you know?

For example, I think I got penalized on the evaluation for a stupid incident recently. Our company (main/day job) had its annual awards dinner but I had to work that night at my other job. I initially told my boss that I would go, but then changed my mind because that’s when M and I decided to try to buy a house and I figured I could use all the extra money I could make, so I canceled my plans to attend the dinner and I think that irked my boss. When I told him I was trying to buy a house, I got a smirk and a “well good for you” in response. (I am not even making this up. He can kind of be an asshat sometimes.) Anyway, I think he deducted points from my evaluation because on the last page he wrote in a comment about “more interaction with field representatives” and he had told me previously that the awards dinner would be a great chance to meet them and of course I ended up not going.

Look, in a sense I get where he is coming from, but in another sense, let’s follow the logic. I know in theory I probably should have attended the dinner, but I didn’t on the grounds that I needed to work *at my second job* which I have in the first place because *he does not pay me enough at my main job.* The reason I have the second job is BECAUSE I work hard to make ends meet and thereby demonstrate determination and the willingness to work hard. But apparently I still lack initiative. grr arg.

Then, to make matters even more confusing, he proceeds to tell me that despite my fair-to-middling evaluation, he has recommended me for a raise. He doesn’t know how much I’ll end up getting, but there you have it. Personally I’m seeing it as something of a BRIBE, as in, “please don’t quit this job because then we’ll have to hire someone new and start all over again and I don’t have the time for that.” How confusing is that??

The fact that I haven’t quite had a true mental breakdown yet still fascinates me, but such is my life of late. Any suggestions? Advice? Should I take up yoga again, become a vegetarian? (By the way, I tried removing beef from my diet, and lasted not even two weeks. I concede. I am a carnivore.) I do the best I can under the circumstances, but still find myself struggling. Money is the biggest problem, then jobs, then everything else just kind of falls into line after that. I’m still hopeful about the house situation–I know we’ll find the right fit soon enough. And sooner rather than later, probably, because there are plenty of homes to choose from, thankfully. But I just question myself sometimes and end up confusing myself, I think. And my life has become a never-ending To Do List, filled with work, work, laundry, house hunting, a bit of time to scratch my dogs’ tummies, fun spending time with M, get into confrontations with my parents, crying, work, work, fast food, work, sick again, work…and I just realized that I’m making this sound like such a pity party, so forgive me! I tried keeping a “real” journal again recently and it didn’t work either. So here I vent.

Tonight while I’m doing laundry I plan to cast on that test knit sweater for SWTC, so maybe I will find a little solace in that. I can always rely on knitting to retain my sanity for me. Let’s hope it still works.