First, the good: today is September 1, people! I DID IT! The Grand Ole Yarn Diet of 2007 is a success. 
I made it one month without buying new yarn. Go me!!!
So it’s time to set another goal. I am SORELY tempted to say ok, I did it…”went without” for one month. But if you look at my Ravelry stash, I still have a ton of yarn. Sooooo…time to set another goal and extend the yarn diet to phase two:
I will not buy any yarn until October 1.
That’s another month and as evidenced by August-September, I can do it! 
Now for the bad…
Life at home is bad. My parents and I butt heads occasionally and this past week was REALLY bad. I’ve been looking for a second job so that I can A) pay off the loan leftover from my divorce agreement, B) pay off my two credit cards, and C) move out of my parents’ house. Sounds good, right? It’s industrious and hard-working and a *positive* thing that I’m trying to work hard to achieve my goals, right?
ha. yeah right. Read on…
I applied for a second job as an Admin Assistant at a library in VA Beach. The “problem” is, it’s about 20 minutes from my day job and about 40 minutes from my house. The hours would vary, and I’m hoping that I could get nights and weekends, though I haven’t even been interviewed yet (crosses fingers). But the city human resources office called me for a typing test, which I went and took. I’m supposed to hear back from them by Wednesday or so of next week if they’re interested in interviewing me. This job would be great because the pay there is actually more per hour than I make at my day job, it’s just part time. I’m hoping, though, that I can get my foot in the door and eventually quit my day job and work at the library full time. But we’ll see.
So my parents didn’t react well to the idea of me getting this job. A) they said it’s too far and “in the middle of nowhere” and even went so far as to call it “dangerous.” B) They never once applauded me for trying to pay my OWN debt with my OWN money. They just told me not to do it. Literally, they told me not to. C) The other morning while I was EATING BREAKFAST, my dad picked a fight with me, reminding me that while I was in New Mexico, they sent me money for college to help me out (which they did), and he then said–and I quote–”But what did you do? You just took ONLINE CLASSES. Who takes ONLINE CLASSES.”
ok, sidebar, people. He completely insulted my online education, AS IF to say that those courses and all the HOURS I spent studying and getting STRAIGHT As weren’t valid. For one thing, the college I went to is fully accredited and my credits are transferrable, and for another thing, could he just give it a rest already? I was eating freaking BREAKFAST. I sat there arguing back with him, and my mom was trying to break up the argument, but I just got my stuff and left. It was ridiculous. I was crying and kept saying, “I know I disappoint you, Dad, but I’m trying to pay off my debt and work hard and do it myself.” 
It’s just heartbreaking for me because they will never be proud of me, no matter what I do. Here I am, trying to work hard and get to a point where I WILL be able to survive on my own, but that’s not good enough. My marriage failed, so I had to come back here and that’s not good enough. My dogs had a hard time adjusting, and they were “too much trouble” for my parents. And I kid you not, my dad called me “hard-headed” and said that I, too, am “too much trouble.”
I know he basically thinks I’m a loser, but for goodness sake, give it a rest. I don’t ask my parents to pay my credit cards or cell phone or loan bills or even GAS, for crying out loud. I pay those myself. I understand it was nice of them to let me move back in, but at what cost? I’m freaking miserable here. They’re never supportive emotionally. It sucks. It’s as if they feel they have the right to continue telling me how to live my life, even though I’m now 27 years old. I can’t live like this.
So at the risk of defying them and potentially getting kicked out of the house, I’m going to continue pursuing this second job. I think I have a good shot at it–my typing test went really well. This second job would bring in a little over $10,000 per year. That’s in ADDITION to my salary from my day job. I could pay off my debt in about one year. And be out of this house. Will my sanity last that long? I’m not so sure.
It absolutely crushes me that my efforts to have a work ethic and be responsible are basically being insulted by my parents. They really don’t get it. They just treat me like I’m stupid because I’ve made mistakes. What kind of treatment is that? We ALL make mistakes. And I can tell you this, I won’t be making the same mistakes in the future. I *am* capable of learning. I’m not a total idiot.
Despite how they make me feel pretty much every day.
(P.S….if you’re going to leave a comment saying “oh they’re your parents they’re just trying to protect you,” save it. There’s being protective and loving, and there’s being absolutely insulting and emotionally abusive. My dad falls under the latter. He has been this way my whole life.)
Oh, love. I’ve sososososooooooo been there. You poor thing. Try to have faith in yourself and the fact that you are doing what you know is right FOR YOU. It’s great that your parents are letting you live there, etc, etc, etc, but that does not mean it’s ok for your dad to constantly pick at you. Trust your instincts. If they tell you this second job is the right thing to do, than for it. Only you know what is right for you. Sending good thoughts your way.
Congrats! I was doing well for awhile, but then I got a lot of destashing/trading done on Ravelry. But if you want to feel better, look at JennTX’s stash – it is the largest I’ve seen (except that “yarn store” photo on the Mochi Mochi blog!).
Hugs. Sometimes parents suck. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for the library job and that things will turn around at home.
Congrats on your one month yarn diet!!!! I’m in awe.
i have SO been there. with both my parents. before i moved up here to be with adam, finally, i lived with my mom for 6 months. and it was a DISASTER. i hope you do get this job, and can get out of debt and get on your own. fingers crossed for you!! xoxo
I’m sorry life at home is so hard
Good luck on the second job!
I’m sorry you have to go through this. Maybe your dad just isnt happy with his life/work so he takes it out on you. Or maybe he’s jealous. I dunno. But it sucks.
And nothing is wrong with online universities. I think that they are excellent-it’s extremely hard to make enough money to live and go to a campus college. He would have had to send you even more money and then he would be throwing that in your face now.
Good for you to try to settle your problems on your own. Not many people do that. Good luck getting the job at the library!
And congrats on making your yarn diet! I know you can do it for the second month!!!
for me, it wasn’t my parents, it was my in-laws. (first marriage, i love my in-laws, now). we moved into a house next door to them, that my husband was supposed to be earning the rent for. he was doing a car care/painting business in a garage behind the house, that they had set him up in, and then didn’t do anything to get him business, or even support him in it. so they came to ME for the rent. i looked my FIL in the eye, and said talk to your son (he was being highly lazy about it, too, so it was a bad deal on both parts). mind you, this are the same people who told him to beat me because i didn’t keep the house up to their expectations, even though he was home for a lot of the time. yes, there’s still some bitterness, even 16 years later (thank goodness the girls are now adults, and i don’t have to deal with him and his new mommy/wife anymore)
I know how you feel and at the same time I don’t know how you feel. I moved back home with the parents after grad school and it was really hard for me. The only advice I have to is to just tune it out and keep on keeping on. Despite what your dad thinks you know what you’re doing and you’re making a conscious effort to get back on track. Don’t let what he says stop you. Whatever age you are, you are their child and will always be and whether you like it or not they will treat you as such.. they still treat me that way now too. Keep your head up and believe in selective listening.
Well, you don’t know me from Adam but I just wanted to say “Go you!” I think it’s awesome that you are working so hard to take care of yourself. I can’t understand how any parent could be unhappy that their child is taking on a second job in order to take care of herself and be independent.
Think of it this way, with a second job, you’ll be home less, which is less time to be arguing. It might be just the thing to help you get through till you can afford to move out.
And where is this unsafe place in the middle of nowhere? Granted, I don’t know every library in the system, but I can’t think of any Va Bch library that’s dangerous or in the middle of nowhere! Carry mace, and maybe some netal DPN’s for personal defense and I suspect you’ll be juuuuust fine
I hope you get the job!
And I think you’re doing great. You’ll be outta there pretty darn soon with your awesome determination and skills.
Been there, done that too. After my divorce I had to move in with my parents to get back on my feet and had similar experiences with criticism. After I was able to move out things got better between us. You are doing the responsible thing by getting out of debt so you can stand alone and be more independent. Maybe that is what scares them…that you will not need them as much. But aren’t we supposed to raise kids to BE independent? You do what you have to. YOU are living your life. Getting out of debt is never a poor decision.
hang in there, hope you get the job.
Congrats on the success with the yarn diet …
And boo to parents being unreasonable. I think it’s great that you’re being so proactive about sorting out debt issues and searching for a second job. I’m crossing my fingers that the library job works out (and hey … you’d get first dibs on borrowing yarn books, right?!).
Hugs, and hang in there. I’m not going to say that your dad is trying to protect you, but I’d suspect it’s just that male thing of a certain generation, you know? Totally incapable of showing emotions or support on an emotional level. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care, either. I’m just sorry you’re having to deal with it!!!
Hang in there! The second job sounds really promising and is a good plan for getting yourself some freedom. If this one doesn’t work out for some reason, I’m sure another one will come along. From here, you sound like you’ve got “it” together better than a lot of people I know who have lives that might look “perfect” to others.
In the immortal words of EZ, “knit on, with confidence and hope, through all crises!”
I feel like I may have said this before…but there is a reason I live 1200 miles away from my father. Well, actually both my parents. When was deciding what to do and where to go after the divorce my mom said I could always come “home.” There was dead silence on the phone from me. She went on to say that she would treat me like an adult. More silence. But that yeah, she couldn’t promise how my dad might behave.
My dad and your dad? I think similar cultural norms make their having to deal with adult daughters very very difficult. My father is very much the same at holding anything he ever gave me over my head. We’re talking back to my first bike and stuff. Nothing I do ever makes sense.
Suffice to say, I sent box after box to my parents for storage, which my dad had comments about, and moved into a spare room at a friend’s house…yes rent…but better that than manslaughter charges.
My advice? Actually my brother’s, mother’s and my advice? Cuz we all have taken the same tack, don’t respond. Let him have his say, look at him while he does it, but just don’t let it get to you. It’s not worth it. Know that you have lived and are living YOUR life, not his. Know that you are doing what is good and right FOR YOU, not him.
They are playing their fears off you. It’s natural. Night job, scary things out in the world. If my parents knew my first job in college (at the library
) ended at 11PM every night, they would have come up and taken me home. See if you can get your mom to see your side of the story. She will still stand by your dad in “public” but at least you know you’ll have half the battle won.
Good luck.
Those of us who had badly dysfunctional households growing up should have a secret code word, although I think we recognize each other pretty quickly without it. The good news is that your mental health is in much better shape than your Dad’s.
Mary made some good points here. I would add that another goal to work toward might be to believe in your heart that despite anyone’s good intentions and blood connection, these people don’t have the capacity for nurturing, offering emotional support, or showing pride in you. If you can stop hoping for these things, and consequently stop feeling “crushed” and miserable when they behave as they always have, you are on the road to putting your energy in a more positive direction. Maybe you could limit what you tell them about your plans and goals and avoid their critical comments that way. The other side of this coin is that it would be good if you could work toward finding a way to forgive them for their inadequacies.
You seem to be a strong and capable person, and OF COURSE you are doing the right thing in trying to pay off your debts and take care of yourself. The library job, if it happens, could have fringe benefits you haven’t thought of yet. You could meet someone who lives (or wants to live) in that part of town who’d be a good choice for sharing a small apt. or house with. If that job doesn’t work out, there will be another one that will.
Everyone has had such good comments and thoughts to leave here for you, I hope you read them, felt at least a little better, a little more understood, a little more hopeful.
My little bit to add to this would be that I think maybe you should stop thinking of everything that went ‘wrong’ as ‘mistakes you’ve made’… in my eyes, you didn’t really make any mistakes… you just lived your life. Things don’t always go as planned, but that doesn’t make them mistakes – it’s just life. Some things happen and they are good, other things happen and they go bad… of course, the choices we make affect these outcomes… but by no means are they mistakes. Your dad may see them as such, but obviously, he has issues with everything and anything you do… and that’s his problem.
He’s just giving you more motivation to earn that money, work hard, and move OUT!
You can DO IT! *hugs*
ps – I’m SO FREAKING proud of you on your yarn diet!!